215. “He wants a house, I don’t want to go bankrupt.” | Ramit Sethi Podcast
Athena (31) and Arie (30) are newly married and dreaming of buying a home, starting a family, and traveling the world. But their finances—and philosophies—don’t align. Athena’s upbringing was defined by instability and strict religious messaging around money; Arie’s was middle-class and frugal. Now, they're realizing that love alone isn’t enough—they need a shared plan. Can Ramit help them define their values, shift their dynamic, and start building a future as true partners?
In this episode we uncover:
• The subtle financial tension that’s been building—and how it’s showing up in everything from gift-giving to debt.
• Why Arie is laser-focused on buying a home, while Athena worries about losing her freedom.
• The real reason Athena keeps her finances separate—and how her upbringing shaped that decision.
• How Arie’s savings mindset clashes with Athena’s more flexible approach to money.
• A surprising admission about holiday spending.
• What it really means to feel “safe” with money.
• The power struggle hiding beneath their shared bank account.
• How financial shame from childhood still influences their present-day relationship.
• Their unspoken fears—and how Ramit pushes them to define their shared Rich Life.
Chapters:
(00:00:00) “It’s a dream”—but what if your partner doesn’t share it?
(00:08:30) They don’t fight—but is that actually the problem?
(00:21:19) “I don’t know if I can say yes if I have debt”
(00:24:44) Ramit breaks down their numbers
(00:37:36) Dreaming big while avoiding the details
(00:45:32) “What kind of person doesn’t own a house?”
(00:55:33) The moral script keeping Athena stuck
(01:14:39) “If you want something for yourself, you’re greedy”
(01:22:57) Getting honest about a future they can’t afford
(01:33:15) Where are they now? Athena and Arie’s follow-ups
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Links mentioned in this episode
• Get Ramit’s 3 Step Guide to Buying a House
Connect with Ramit
• Get my new book, Money For Couples
• Get Money Coaching with Ramit
• Download the Conscious Spending Plan
• Listen to my book—now on Audible
• Get my New York Times best-selling book
• Get my no-numbers journal
• Other episodes
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If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.