224. “I Took On Debt To Help My Family. Now She Won’T Marry Me.” | Ramit Sethi Podcast
Rachel (31) and Pierre (42) have been together for four years, building a loving and stable life in Brooklyn. But one issue is holding everything back: Pierre’s $60,000 in debt from a failed business he started to support his family. His plan is to wait it out, hoping the problem disappears. But Rachel is unwilling to move forward towards marriage until there’s a plan in place.
To her, his passive approach feels like a warning sign for their future together. Can Ramit help them face the reality of this debt, make a plan, and build a shared vision?
In this episode we uncover:
• Why Rachel vowed never to date someone with debt—and why she chose to date Pierre anyway
• Pierre’s family vape shop business collapse and the $60,000 in debt he took on to try to save it
• The stark difference in how each partner views the debt
• Why Pierre believes ignoring the judgment is a valid strategy
• Rachel’s habit of minimizing her own fears
• How Pierre’s family history shaped his own sense of obligation
• Rachel’s painful history with her mother being scammed out of $60,000
• The tension between investing for the future versus paying off past mistakes
• How cultural expectations and family loyalty complicate Pierre’s decision-making around money
• The breaking point: Rachel admits she cannot say yes to a proposal without a clear plan for the debt
• Ramit’s game plan to get the debt paid off—the right way
Chapters:
(00:00:00) “If you don’t handle this debt, I won’t marry you”
(00:19:50) Ramit breaks down their numbers
(00:27:25) “Happy wife, happy life” — but what about the debt?
(00:41:53) He took on debt for his family — but at what cost to his future?
(00:55:01) “I don’t ask my dad for money… and I don’t ask Pierre either”
(01:07:31) How small sacrifices can open the door to big changes
(01:23:21) Logistics are a big turn on
(01:30:50) Where are they now? Rachel and Pierre’s follow-ups
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Links mentioned in this episode
• Get tickets for my next live events—September 14 in Atlanta and September 26 in Los Angeles—at link
Connect with Ramit
• Get my new book, Money For Couples
• Get Money Coaching with Ramit
• Download the Conscious Spending Plan
• Listen to my book—now on Audible
• Get my New York Times best-selling book
• Get my no-numbers journal
• Other episodes
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If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.